the Big Freakin' Family Guy Avatar Crossover
by ComicGhost
Summary: Crossover with Avatar: the Last Airbender: Azula and her minions have taken over Quahog...and only Peter has the power to stop them! Rated T for all the right reasons.
1. Chapter 1

_Colin Hickson Presents: __the BIG FREAKIN' __FAMILY GUY__/__AVATAR __CROSSOVER_

_It has been one whole year since the fall of Fire Lord Ozai and his insane daughter, Azula. The Fire Nation has prospered under the rule of Fire Lord Zuko, and happy time have been had by all; such happy times that one may want to slap their mother silly, and get sooooo wasted that they projectile vomit on their equally boozed friends . But I digress; Since their defeat, Ozai has been sentenced to prison, and Azula has been sentenced to a mental health facility on Ember Island. But unknown to everyone of Azula's old enemies, but known to us, evil plans are forming in the insane princess' head; plans so evil, if you heard them, your head would explode from the carnage that would unfold….If you can read this, you don't need glasses._

_**The Ember Island Hospital for Wackjobs , Loonies, and People who think they're Dustin Diamond or Marylin Monroe.**_

"So pretty much nothing's changed has it, doctor?" asked Zuko on his weekly visit to his sister, hoping that she would get better. Ever since her commitment there, Azula did nothing but stare out the window of her cell, looking at the view of the sapphire colored sea.

"Not really, Excellency", said Azula's doctor, "We re really don't much hope for her, anyway; as far as we're concerned she's as crazy as that cabbage merchant."

_**Cutaway scene **_

"I' M NOT CRAZY, I TELL YOU!" shouted the cabbage merchant, as he flailed around in his straight jacket, "THE AVATAR KEEPS DESTROYING MY CABBAGES! HE AND HIS LITTLE FRIENDS ARE OUT TO DESTROY ALL THE WORLD'S CABBAGES, AND I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN STOP THEM! IT IS MY DESTINY AS KING OF THE CABBAGES!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

_**End**_

"But, we'll keep trying for her sake."

"Thank you, Dr. Ling."

As the current Fire Lord walked out the doors, two orderlies came into Azula's room with her dinner.

"Hey, Crazy McNutjob, it's time for your dinner", said the taller orderly.

"Dude, don't bother", said the shorter orderly, "She doesn't respond to anything. For example…"

To show his point, the orderly let out a huge fart.

"Dude, you call that a fart? THIS is a fart!"

The other orderly then let out an even bigger fart.

"Duuuuude, you're nasty!"

Then the orderlies began farting just for amusement, until…

"You boys call that farting?"

The orderlies then looked in shock: Princess Azula, who had remained silient for almost a year, had just spoken.

"What did you just say?" asked the tall orderly.

"I said "You boys call that farting?" Here's a fart for you."

To that end, Azula let out this super big, super long fart. Afterwards, she got up and walked out the door.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" asked the short orderly, "Get your crazy ass back in here!"

"Sorry boys, but I have bigger things to deal with; much bigger. And I can't do them in an asylum, so I'm afraid I must leave. Not that my stay here wasn't enjoyable, mind you, but I was starting to get bored here. Oh, and thank you for the additional methane gas I needed."

"For what?" asked the tall orderly.

"For this."

Azula then lit a small blue flame from her fingers, then shot it to the ground, and two seconds later, her cell exploded like an over lit Christmas tree. As Azula walked out, of the hospital, which had now caught on fire from the explosion, she said to herself "That'll teach you to fart in my direction."

_**The Fire Nation Capitol, two hours later**_

At the Fire Nation Palace, Fire Lord Zuko and his fiancé Mai were spending the night in, making out in Zuko's room.

"God, Mai, I hope Azula gets better soon. I can't help but feel that her condition is my fault."

"Hey, no skin off your bones. Bitch got what was comin' to her."

"Wait, why would you say that? I thought you and Ty Lee were Azula's best friends."

"Not really; Ty Lee and I were secretly plotting to kill her ever since the day we met her. We were going to do it at the Boiling Rock, but Princess "I'm so much better than everyone else" had us arrested. Believe me, Zuko, the things Ty Lee and I saw there were not pretty…"

_**Cutaway Scene: the Boiling Rock. **_

At the Boiling Rock all the male inmates were dancing and singing a familiar tune, while a disturbed Mai and Ty Lee looked at them:

_It's rainin' men!_

_Hallelujah!_

_It's rainin' men!_

_Amen!_

_It's rainin' men! _

"How long do we have to stay here?" asked Ty Lee in a frightened voice.

"Don't know", answered Mai, "But I think I'm mentally scarred now."

_**End**_

Just the flashback ended, Zuko's uncle Iroh busted in with a frightened look on his face.

"FIRE LORD ZUKO!", he shouted, "I HAVE AN URGENT MESSAGE FOR YOU!"

"DAMMIT UNCLE, DON'T YOU EVER KNOCK?!", shouted Zuko in an angry voice, "MAI AND I COULD'VE BEEN NAKED IN HERE! GOD!"

"Sorry, but this is urgent! I just received a message from a Fire Nation outpost on Ember Island. Believe me nephew, once you read this, you'll see why this is important!"

As Zuko took the scroll out of his uncle's hand, he opened it, and what he read scarred him almost to death:

"_**Fire Lord Zuko-**_

_**We have just learned that your sister, exiled Princess Azula, has just blown up the hospital she was living in. She was last seen headed towards the direction of the Great Rift.**_

_**Sincerely, **_

_**Admiral Cheng **_

_**P.S.**_

_**I got your last message! LOL!"**_

"Oh no!" said Zuko.

"Oh no!" said Mai.

"Oh yeah!" shouted the Kool-Aid Man as crashed through Zuko's bedroom wall.

**(Queen's **_**Flash **_**begins to play).**


	2. Chapter 2

_**The Griffin Household, Sunday, 9:23 a.m.**_

It was a typical day at the Griffin household (which, considering that this is half Family Guy, isn't going to last long), as Peter, Chris, and Stewie were watching TV.

_**TV Cutaway**_

_Announcer_: And now, back to _"Rugrats"_ on Nickelodeon!

As Tommy and Chuckie were sitting in the play pen, Tommy said "Hey Chuckie, let's go do something today!"

"Tommy", said Chuckie, "before we do anything, there's something I've gotta tell you: I'm in love in with you. I've been in love with you since the day we met, and for so long, I've wanted to kiss you. I hope this doesn't change anything between us."

"….I was wondering when you'd get around to telling me."

And with that, Tommy and Chuckie walked over to each other, and kissed each other on the lips as the theme from _An Officer and a Gentleman _began to play:

_Love lifts us up where we belong,_

_Where the eagles fly,_

_On a mountain high,_

_Love lifts us up where we belong,_

_Far from the world we know,_

_Up where the clear winds blow_

_**End**_

"Peter, is Brian up yet?" asked Lois as she walked in the family room.

"Nah, he's still sleepin'", replied Peter, "Y'know, he's been acting really strange lately, like he's hidin' somethin', like when No Heart was hidin' his porno downloads."

_**Cutaway Scene**_

In his castle, the arch enemy of the Care Bears was on his computer in his room, looking at his internet porn downloads on his computer .

"Oh yeah, oh yeah!" ,cried the evil wizard with pleasure in his voice, "This is soooo fuckin' hot! Fuck yeah!"

Just then, No Heart's niece, Shrieky came in asking, " Hey Uncle No Heart, what's your plan for killing those Care Bears today?"

"GET OUT, THIS IS UNCLE'S PRIVATE TIME!"

_**End**_

Meanwhile in Brian's room, which used to be Meg's room until she left for college a month ago, the talking, smoking, alcoholic, atheist dog was stirring in his bed, having the same dream he'd been having for the past two weeks: In his dream, Brian stood in a black background, when a mysterious glowing blue light in the sky appeared from no where.

"_Brian_", the light said, "_You must let the Chosen One know of his destiny. Time is running out, and the Great Evil is on it's way."_

"But I don't know if I should", Brian replied, "I mean, I don't think Peter will handle the news very well. I mean, he's not exactly one to handle news like this. When I tell him will be my decision."

"_Very well, but choose your time carefully, for the Great Evil will arrive very shortly, so he must learn soon."_

After that, the light disappeared, and ended up back in his house, where his wife, a pink light ,was waiting for him.

"_Oh, great, what'd I do now?_"

" _You know exactly what you did, Harold! You just went off on another stupid trip to tell that dog to tell his owner about his "grand destiny"! Well, YOU'RE destiny is gonna be divorced if you don't stop this shit!_"

" _You know what, Carol, I don't need this! I'm gonna head to the strip club with my buds!_"

"_What ,again?_"

"_AT LEAST THEY TREAT ME WITH RESPECT, YOU STUPID BITCH!_"

Back at the Griffin house, Brian had just woken up and thought to himself, "Okay, Brian, you gotta tell Peter that he's the only one who can save the Earth from the Great Evil. I'm sure he can handle this. Wait, who'm I kidding? This is Peter I'm talking about, the same man who once terrorized Quahog as a pirate and once thought he was a woman. I'll just have to pick the time I tell him."

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Lois was putting the dishes away, when an arrow whizzed past her head, and hit the cabinet.

"Damn!", thought Stewie, angry that yet another attempt on his mother's life went wrong, "That vile woman is always one step ahead of me! Well, back to the drawing board."

But as Stewie was about to leave, he suddenly stopped in his tracks, and saw a vision that made his blood freeze: In the vision, all of Quahog was enslaved, being watched by men in black and red armor, and in the polluted sky, a red flag with a black fire picture sewn into it. After that, the vision ended.

"What the hell was that?" asked a horrified Stewie.


	3. Chapter 3

_**The Avatar's World, Ba Sing Sae**_

As Avatar Aang slept in his room in the Impenetrable City, he twisted and turned in his bed, sweating from the fear he experiencing in his dream. In it, he was confronted by his previous life, Avatar Roku, who had appeared to him with an urgent message.

"Aang", said the former Avatar, "I suppose you know why I am here. I come bearing bad news."

"Oh, c'mon Roku, what's there to have bad news about? Ozai's in prison, Azula's in the loony bin, Zuko's turned the Fire Nation around, and everything's perfect. There's nothing that could ruin it all."

"Actually Aang…there is. You see, just mere hours ago, Azula escaped from the mental health facility she was placed in last year."

"….You're screwing with me right?"

"You wish, baldy. Even as we speak, Azula is seeking out all those who were loyal to her, and is preparing to invade another world, as a way to seek out the Chosen One."

"The Chosen One!"

Aang had heard the legends of the Chosen One when he was a child; supposedly, the Chosen One had powers greater than those of the Avatar, and would show him or herself when the world Aang lived on would merge with another, which would be the world the Chosen One resided on, when the moon turned blue, and an ancient ritual was performed to allow the fusion to happen.

"When will this occur?"

"Tomorrow night. That is when the merging of the worlds will happen, and Azula will cross on to the Chosen One's world. Aang, you must seek out the Chosen One, and help train him or her, so that he or she may defeat Azula. But as a way to warn the other world, the Avatars before you have been sending flashes of what may happen to it to one of it's inhabitants, in the hopes that he will warn them."

"Do you think it'll work?"

"I don't it know, it's just something that Avatar Kiyoshi pulled out her ass. I wanted to go to the other world in person and warn the people about the Great Evil, but she was all 'noooooo, let's just send someone psychic flashes of the future, that's way easier.' Ah, what's that bitch know, anyway? I mean, it's not like she really killed Chin the Great, he was just too much of a moron to move, but she still brags about it non stop."

"Well, do you have any idea what the Chosen One looks like?"

"Oh, what, just 'cause I'm one with the whole fucking universe that instantly means I know everything? You know what, Aang, that's a stereotype, and it proves you know very little about the real me."

"I'm sorry, Roku, I didn't…"

"Don't even say anything to me, Aang. This whole meeting has been like a big racist rally. And that's how I'll remember you: as a big racist. So goodbye, Mr. Racist."

And with that, Roku disappeared in a flash of light, leaving a confused Aang just standing there.

_**The Next Day, at Iroh's Tea Shop**_

"So, Roku just spazzed out and left?" asked Katara as she and Aang sat at the tea shop of Zuko's uncle.

"Yeah, but more importantly, we've gotta find away to stop Azula before she finds the Chosen One and kills him or her. The fate of both worlds depends on it."

"The Chosen One?" scoffed Toph as she overheard Aang and Katara's conversation. "Gimme a break, twinkle toes. The Chosen One doesn't exist, and even if he or she did, don't you think we'd know what he or she'd look like? Personally, I think it's stupider then the time Ty Lee tried to blame her farts on Momo."

_**Flashback**_

As Toph, Momo, and Ty Lee sat down on a couch in the Fire Palace main hall, Ty Lee let out a huge fart, which Toph caught wind of.

"Oh my god, Ty Lee, did you just fart?!"

"Uhhhhh, no! Momo did it!"

"But the smell in coming from you!"

"Why I've never been so insulted in all my life! Good day to you , Ma'am!"

As Ty Lee got up and walked out, she let out another fart, and again, Toph smelled it.

"TY LEE!"

"Momo did that one too!"

_**End Flashback**_

Meanwhile in the city itself, Zuko and Mai were arriving to the Tea Shop in the royal carriage. But during the ride, Zuko was worried about his fiancé, who, for the past twelve days, had been having random headaches, and the more they came, the more Zuko became worried.

"Are sure you're well enough to travel, Mai? If you're getting sick, maybe you shouldn't be coming with me."

"I'm fine, Zuko, really. They're just headaches, nothing more. You should stop worrying sooo my god."

As Zuko turned to see what had shocked his future wife, he saw a sight more disturbing then a dead squirrel in the middle of a road. Outside a building, in broad daylight was Sokka, who was dressed in a yellow tube top, a black leather miniskirt, white go-go boots, and with blush, eyeliner, and lipstick on his face, smoking a cigarette.

"SOKKA!" screamed Zuko from his carriage, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Oh, hey Zuko", said Sokka, "So, how much you got, and how long you want you me for?"

"I'm not having sex with you! Now why the hell are you are dressed like a hooker?"

"Well with the war over and all, I thought about getting a job. First, I worked as a sneeze guard at Iroh's tea shop."

_**Cutaway Scene 1 **_

As an old woman was about to sneeze on her table, Sokka jumped behind her, grabbed her, and put his sword to throat and said "Take it outside, ma'am."

_**End**_

"Then I tried to be a fitness instructor."

_**Cutaway Scene 2 **_

In a local Fire Nation gym, Sokka walked up to his pedestal an faced his class, all of which were beyond obese

"All right, class let's start with a few jumping jacks. Ready? Begin!"

As Sokka's class followed his moves, they ended up causing the floor to collapse, and all fell to their untimely deaths, while Sokka got his skinny ass out of there.

_**End **_

"And then I took this job!"

"Sokka, this is by far one of the stupidest things you've done."

"He's right, Sokka!"

Turing around, Sokka and Zuko saw a big red truck, which then turned into Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots.

Both: "Optimus Prime!"

"Being a prostitute is one of the worst things you can do, Sokka. Prostitutes are beaten day in and day out by their pimps, and they often die from sexually transmitted diseases, or from drive by shootings. Some of them are even underage girls, and or even underage boys! Plus it's basically saying you don't care about how you look or about your life."

Sokka: "Thanks, Optimus Prime! Now I know!"

"And Knowing is Half the Battle!"

Song Voice: _**"The Transformers!" **_

Meanwhile, in Quahog, all was not well in the Griffin household. Stewie had not been himself lately; he wasn't trying to kill Lois, or do a duet with Brian, or build some science do-hickey. Instead, he had been drawing a black flame logo on a red background over and over. And Peter and Lois were getting concerned.

"Peter, something's terribly wrong with our baby." said Lois. "He hasn't eaten or slept in twelve days, and he keeps drawing the same thing over and over."

"I'll say there's somethin' wrong with 'im. He's acting weirder then that time I took LSD."

_**Flashback Scene**_

"Oh boy, LSD! I wonder if this stuff really works?"

Injecting a small dose of LSD into his veins, Peter then began to see a bunch of tie-dye patterns with raining smiley faces. Then a group of floating hamburgers came to him, and one of them said, "Peter, come fly with us! It's fun!", and all of a sudden, Peter began floating thru air like a big fat drunk bird, while in real life, he just wandered thru the upstairs hallway, fell down the stairs, and somehow survived without a broken neck.

_**End Flashback**_

Back in his room, Stewie sat at his table, frantically drawing the same fire logo over and over, while babbling "the end is near, the end is near, the end is near". But just as Stewie was done with his latest drawing, he suddenly felt a surging coursing thru his skull, like a large butcher's knife had been driven thru it. Meanwhile back on the Avatar World, Mai had begun to feel the same surging pain, and collapsed to the floor of the carriage.

"Oh my god, Mai!" shouted a terrified Zuko.

"Dude, is she breathing?" asked a frantic Sokka.

"Yeah, but way too fast! Driver, take us to the Ba Sing Sae Hospital, immediately!"

And back in Quahog, Lois had walked in to check in on Stewie, when she saw him collapsed on the floor.

"Oh my god, Stewie! Are you all right?!"

"No, I'm having a jolly time, I'm in pain, you insufferable wench! Get me to a hospital!"

Then, to both world's shock, a large blue light began to emerge from both Stewie and Mai's eyes and mouths, and both the evil baby and the goth girl fell to the ground. Hours later, Mai recovered, waking up in a room in the hospital, and right next to her was Zuko.

"How're you feeling, Mai?"

"Fine, I guess. But what happened?"

"The doctors say you blacked out from fatigue, but that still doesn't explain what that weird light was that came from your body."

Before Mai could respond, she felt another surging pain go thru her head. Back in Quahog, Stewie himself had just recovered and also felt the surging pain…and then it stopped. When Stewie opened his eyes, he didn't see his room, he saw what appeared to a hospital room, and a young man with a large scar on half his face.

"Well, hello there handsome," said Stewie in a pleased tone.

Upon hearing the baby's voice, a terrified Mai asked "Who said that?!"

"Woah, wait a minute, who's this?"

"Hey I asked first, whoever you are! My boyfriend's a fire bender, and he'll roast your ass!"

"Mai, who are you talking to?" asked Zuko.

"You're not hearing this guy, Zuko?!"

"No, we're the only ones here."

"Well, this is stranger than Christopher Robin's time in the mental hospital", said Stewie.

_**Cutaway Scene**_

"You're my best friend Pooh, You're my best friend Pooh, You're my best friend Pooh", Christopher Robin said as he sat in a straight jacket rocking in a corner of a padded room being watched by two doctors.

"Man, this kid's got the worst case of schizophrenia I've ever seen", said the first doctor.

"I'll say", said the second doctor. "Wanna lobotomize him just for the hell of it?"

"I'll get the buzz saw."


End file.
